Random Dream

A little background first. As most of you know, I travel a lot for my job and some people joke with me that my employer is just a cover and that I'm really a spy. Well, that finally made it into a dream last night. I'm not exactly sure if I was really a spy or if the firm had started a hit squad. Either way, I was training in the woods with some other people for a mission where we were going to take someone out.

Questioning Myself

Recently I have been spending a lot of time in my head and trying to determine the motivations for what I do.  It's tough to discern the true motivation for anything I do.  Where I get screwed up mentally is when I think I am doing something that seems like it would be what God would want me to do but at the same time I can see some selfish motivation behind it.  Am I really doing those things for God or is it for me?  I have recently started to struggle with an even worse possibility.  What if I am so self-centered that my thinking it is pleasing to God is simply me deluding myself into that belief?  I don't really see this as a crisis of faith so much as a crisis in discernment.  Have I drifted in my faith so much that I can no longer discern the proper path and desires?

Looking on the brighter side

• At least I was wedged into the window instead of sitting between the two people that needed seat belt extenders
• At least the crying child was a few rows back instead of right behind me
• At least said child was only crying for half the flight instead of the whole flight
• At least the flight was only two hours
• Most importantly, at least I made it home safe and don't have to fly out until the latter half of next week.
  

Relaxing on the porch

If I had to pick a perfect evening that I could recreate most of the time, this would be it. The temperature is in the mid 70's and slowly dropping. I am drinking a fine belgain style beer and smoking a cigar. The only thing puzzling me as I write this is how there can be so many flying insects without their being any bats around to eat them. It would be an all you can eat buffet for the bats if they just showed up. Anyway, all my troubles (besides the flying insect kind) just seem to melt away when I'm here in the porch.

It has been a great few days. I have not thought about work, relationships or anything else that could cause me stress. My only stress has been what I have put on my legs in hiking 30 miles. Four of those miles were killer. They felt like they were close to straight up and ended with me being close to 6000 feet above sea level. The view from the top was amazing and made the struggles to get there worthwhile. I need to keep that in mind with struggles on a daily basis, regardless of the type.

Getting my church on

I'm so thankful for TV while I'm in the mountains, I can get my church on without even leaving the cabin. Today I decided to watch Joel Osteen. Amazingly I made it almost 10 minutes before I had to run out of the room to vomit. On the plus side, I now know that as long as I am faithful (which was never defined) and live a life of integrity, God will pour out his blessings on me. I will become partner at the firm or I will go on to start my own company or become wealthy in some other way. I am so glad that the only time I will struggle or face hardship is when I am not faithful. Forget that whole relationship with God.... it's all about being a good person and I'm set! And some people wonder why Christianity is dying in this country......

Mountain Man

Day two in the mountains. Yesterday was pretty exhausting. I am not conditioned for a thirteen mile hike but I did it anyway. I woke up this morning to a thunderstorm nearby which is so relaxing, just hearing the thunder rumble as it echoes through the valleys. Then as I was drinking my coffee on the porch, I see a turkey walking down below. I went inside to get my camera but the thing saw me and flew off. So much for people saying the turkey is a flightless bird. Maybe the ones mass produced by Butterball can't fly because of all the crap they feed them. This one though.... flew very well. I'm off to do a few more miles of trails.

Checking in

I know it has been a while since I have written anything and I will make an effort to post something of more subtance soon. However, I just had to post this link as it is a great article on the impact of racial bias in sports. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=granderson/080401